Instant New York Times Bestseller * Named One of the Best Books of the Year by New York magazine * A Goodreads Choice Award Nominee for Best Nonfiction *
A Best Audiobook of the Year by Audible and Spotify From psychotherapist Meg Josephson, a groundbreaking "cure for chronic people-pleasing" (Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author) that explores the common survival instinct called fawning and offers "explanations, comfort, and best of all, solutions" (Christie Tate, New York Times bestselling author). Are you constantly worried about what people think of you--if they like you, if they're mad at you? Do you overextend yourself, avoid conflict, or find yourself over-apologizing, only to feel resentful afterward?
In her "instant self-help classic" (Ada Calhoun,
New York Times bestselling author), Josephson explores
fawning, an instinct learned in childhood to stay safe by becoming more appealing, agreeable, and helpful to perceived threats. Over time, this instinct disconnects us from who we are, what we want, and what we prefer.
With "lucid prose and smart mix of clinical expertise, personal disclosure, and pertinent case studies" (
Publishers Weekly),
Are You Mad at Me? shows you how to:
- Identify all the roles you might play--from peacekeeper to performer to caretaker to lone wolf to perfectionist to chameleon--that keep you far from yourself.
- Stop fearing your thoughts and emotions, even if they're unpleasant.
- Rethink conflict and boundaries as an opening for deeper connection.
- Practice "leaning back" in relationships.
- Recognize when people-pleasing is actually necessary (with your chaotic boss) and when it's not (with your close friends) and stop self-loathing when you slip into old patterns.
- Shift away from the familiar chaos, anxiety, and resentment you're used to as you move closer to yourself and a life that no longer depletes you--but brings
you joy.
Josephson offers a path out of people-pleasing--transforming your relationships so you can stop focusing on what others think and start honoring your own needs. No more wondering:
Are you mad at me?
